I've been sober for 80 days  

This is what has changed:

I can look at myself directly in the mirror and love what I see. 12 months ago, I couldn't stand to look at myself I was so ashamed. That shame has slowly melted away and made room for the most amount of love, support, and compassion I have ever experienced.

I have much more meaningful relationships with friends and family. Rather than hoping that people like me, I know my worth and know that I am loved by those that are closest to me.

I no longer feel the need to prove myself. There are days I still have to remind myself of this but on the whole it's a massive shift from where I was. The whole reason I sobered up was because I was losing myself trying to prove that I was worthy of love. There is no one else I need to convince that I loveable more than myself.

 I'm not worried about making the wrong choice because I trust myself. Tuning into the intuitive signals from my body has helped me stand in my power and own my choices. The perfectionism that led me to choice paralysis over worrying about making the right choice. Not only that but worrying about making the choice I thought someone else would want for me. Even if I eff it up, I stand taller knowing I trusted myself and followed my gut.

I can be in the moment. This is a biggy! Staying with my emotions rather than pretending they aren't there or distracting myself, so I don't feel too much. This means I can sit down with my daughter and actually play with her without disassociating. I can actually connect with her.

To be honest though, some of the challenges I have faced have literally brought me to my knees. I had to muster all the courage I have to face some of these demons. Some days the lessons were really tough.

This is not a finite list either. This is a snapshot of the changes I am aware of since going sober. The learnings will never be complete and some of the healing is just for me.

Yeh it's been a healing journey but it's not all victories and high fives! I think that it's important to acknowledge the reality of doing something like this, because sometimes it feels like you're going backwards and that is hard.

It's a change I would make again and again.

Despite the challenges, it has been worth it for me. So, if you are looking for a sign to make a change in your life, whether it be small or big like this, then you're looking at it. It's never too late to choose yourself.

  Courtney