When all you know is self-loathing and negativity, you can feel something is disconnected and unaligned, but you have no idea what it is. It is a state of unawareness and it's like walking around asleep.

Take it to the next level and you start to resent your environment and even yourself. That's what life was like for me 8 years ago.

Drowning in low self-worth and debilitated by shame, I don't like to admit it but I hated myself. I would put myself down, critisise and judge everything I did. Ripping apart my inner world and unaware of the damage I was inflicting on my soul.

Looking in the mirror was deeply uncomfortable. I can remember the feeling, of irritability and anger rushing over my body, tensing up my shoulders, full of anxiety.

It's a painful way to live your life. By no means was I happy with who I was or who I was looking at in the mirror.

There was no one moment that changed it all for me, healing is a process and it's like a mountain range. Your spiritual initiation is the first mountain you climb. It's brutal. You get to the top of that one mountain, and you realise there is a whole mountain range ahead of you, each mountain representing a different aspect of spiritual awakening.

Looking in the mirror and not liking what you see is a desperate cry for love. A call out for acceptance as you are, worthy of more love than you can imagine.

The process of learning to love yourself, starts with you looking in the mirror and being curious about what you think makes you unlovable. I know, when you're used to shaming yourself, that is so bloody hard! However, we must start somewhere.

Compassion is the cure to shame. Curiosity is the key to the door.

Next time you look in the mirror, look into your left eye and don't look away even if you're tempted. It is said the left eye is the portal to the soul. Who are you? Who is the person looking back at you? what wisdom do they have? 

If you can only do it for 10 seconds, then only do it for 10 seconds. I invite you to do it for 11 seconds next time, and 12 seconds the next time and slowly increase as you go.

If this resonates with you please let me know your thoughts. If you feel called to dive in deeper and have someone hold your hand through the process, 1:1 personal coaching sessions are available.

Love, Courtney.