Lately, I have been feeling quite uninspired. I missed a week posting on my blog for Easter and I nearly missed this week too. I am responsible for my actions and my behaviour but I know that this eclipse portal has really shaken up my world.

What has been coming up is the idea of perfectionism and productivity. It's a deep wound that requires continued healing as I work through each layer that presents itself. How it plays out in my life is that there is a programming that I am not worthy of love if I don't perform to a certain standard or if I am not 'working hard'. It's not uncommon for people to have this core wound, many of us grew up with parents that were conditioned the same way. It often becomes entangled and when trauma is added into the mix, it can become so ingrained that it can be too hard to deal with.

When we are courageous enough to look at what is under the surface though, when we are brave and vulnerable enough with ourselves, we can change that narrative. The key first step is awareness. Once you become aware of your behaviour and your patterns or programs, you can then move through with honest vulnerability.

So, even though I have been feeling quite stuck and unmotivated, I have the tools to work through it. There are two questions I always ask myself when this happens. These questions help me reorientate myself in my body and bring me back to my heart space, and to that inner wisdom. "You can't get yourself out of a situation with the same thinking that got you into it" - Albert Einstein.

The first question I ask myself is, 'what do I feel?'

So many times, when old programs start to play out, it can be from a past relationship, from childhood, from a traumatic experience, it can be from many different things. Once you have the awareness, and all that really means is that you notice of what is happening in any given situation, once you awaken and give yourself the gift of being aware, you can tune into yourself a bit deeper.

Our feelings are messages. There is a practice that I teach in my soul purpose session that goes into this a bit deeper, but the thing I do is identify the emotion or experience. Immediately that brings me into my body, where do I feel it, what does it feel like, and what is the emotion. I would say something like, I feel unmotivated. 

After working through the process, I was able to find the core of the issue, perfectionism. I was resisting, and even distracting myself subconsciously from writing the blog post. I stopped writing because I didn't feel like I could offer any value.

So that's when I connected it to productivity. Who determines the value? I do. But subconsciously, again, I was unaware of who I was really seeking value from. Intellectually, I understand that I value myself, and I have done enough work within now to truly believe that, however the ego has been programmed by my childhood and the little girl inside of me never felt like she was loved unless she performed excellence. She felt like she had to work hard, and work for the validation of others, or her parents.

This leads to the second question I ask myself. What do I need?

Part of feeling not enough unless you are perfect is it's someone else's idea of perfection. It is living to the standard of someone that is not you. So, you are always thinking about what others want from you. What you need to do in order to be loved by someone else, to be approved of and validated by someone else. It takes a lot of re-training the mind out of the old programming to actually remember to value your own needs and wants.

What do I need? In this case, I needed to be reminded of how amazing I actually am. To remember how far I have come and how much I actually do believe in myself. To look back at how far I have come and shift the perspective. I needed love and I needed it from myself. I needed a hug and I gave that to myself. I needed to remember the journey and find gratitude so I could inspire myself again.

You will start to hear me say this a lot, but this is the pathway, coming back to the heart. Any time there is a block to work through, any time there is negative energy, any time there is a challenge or obstacle, the way forward is to turn inward. Come back to your heart and your body every single time. That's where your wisdom is, in your body, not in your head.

There is so much power in connecting to your heart space and your emotions. Too few of us recognise our feelings, let alone feel them. It's disconnecting us from our true essence. The true power that you hold, not the perfectionist ego, not your parents, not your trauma, the power that comes from your heart.

Do you have the courage to feel what you feel?

If you feel called to dive in deeper and work through your emotions and experiences in a safe and loving container. I am available for 1:1 coaching sessions. You can book a complimentary discovery call with me this week to chat.

Love, Courtney.